This topic has been on my mind to write about for so long now. It’s a concept that comes back to me, wisdom from within, time and time again. I feel like it has so much power over the way we live our lives.
If you’ve ever done a Yoga with Adriene video (who hasn’t), you’ll probably have heard her say, ‘It’s the way you move that matters.’ And it’s this concept that is continually on my mind at the moment. The way we approach things, the energy with which we live our lives, the intention behind them, the feeling of doing them, the ‘how’; this is what matters.
This ‘how’ is what can have a huge impact on how we perceive and experience what we’re doing. On how much joy or pleasure we derive, on whether we believe we can be successful or not, on what we feel we’re capable of, on whether we continue to show up or not, on what we believe about ourselves. We need to be conscious of our ‘how’.
As I shed layers of myself and show old parts of me there are different ways of being, the energy with which I throw myself into things is coming even sharper into focus. The perfectionist in me who, really, just longs for love, attention and connection, has an energy that pervades my being. It disconnects me from my body and catapults me hard into a mania of pushing and pressure. A constriction and tension that I feel in my hunched shoulders, the gripping in my stomach, the fast beating of my vulnerable heart. The energy with which that part moves is a wild frenzy of urgency, driven by fear of failure, fear of not being outstanding, fear of being less than, and the shame of its long-held belief of not enoughness. Without knowing it, my ‘how’ showing up in the present gets driven by my unconscious beliefs of the past.
That’s another reason for being conscious of our ‘how’, it gives us awareness. By following and questioning what’s driving the energy and approach we’re taking, we can become conscious of our limiting beliefs and understand more about why we do what we do. Our beliefs are what drive our ‘how’.
On the contrary to its efforts, my perfectionist part closes down my ability to demonstrate the outstanding perfection it craves. The pressure and pushing puts a wall up in front of my creativity, my clarity of mind, my perspective, and my courage and confidence. It ends up getting the exact opposite of what it bargained for when its urgency is the ‘how’ that’s running the show.
I feel it’s especially important at this time of year to be conscious of our ‘how’ when there is a huge amount of January pressure. Although I’m a fan of using the new year’s blank slate to focus your intention by setting a word for the year (that, for me, is all about the feeling, the energy, the ‘how’), I’m also aware of how damaging new year energy can be. The possibility for failure in setting high and mighty goals for ourselves that we can’t realistically uphold, the self-sabotage and self-criticism that may then ensue. There can be a tendency to throw yourself in hard, it gives the opportunity for the over-achiever to proclaim itself from behind the curtain and take on all these good, new habits that are going to transform our lives and our happiness. All of a sudden, there is the driving force to make ourselves, ‘the best version’, when, really, it’s still winter and our energy, our ‘how’, naturally tends towards conservation, hibernation and nurturing, rather than pressure, pushing and urgency. Not surprising that it is, ‘New Year, New You,’ marketing tactics, which feed off the ‘not good enough’ belief, that drive this pressure.
As I begin to unravel these energies and choose more supportive ones, to slow my racing heart by speaking directly to the perfectionist part of me, by offering her the love and attention she craves - which is her true need rather than the urgency of achievement - I am finding a ‘how’ more suited to my authentic self. One that allows me to connect to a more calm, centred, open approach. I can be more creative, I can be bolder in my choices, acting with courage instead of doubt. There is an ease rather than a push. It’s definitely a work in progress, but the consciousness of my ‘how’ cannot be undone. As long as I have awareness of it I will work to bring it more into balance.
My words for the year, Open. Soar. Unfold, have an of doing, of moving forwards, which could so very easily turn into the familiar pushing and pressure if I don’t keep my awareness alive. That’s why I also chose the word, Unfold, to ensure there is a more gentle, allowing ‘how’ that can be patient and trusting as I stay open to receive.
As you move into this new year, I invite you to consider your ‘how’, the energy with which you move through your life. Consider the information your body holds; the subtleties of what you feel, your posture and body language, the sensations that are present or the frazzled or frozen energy your movements take. Consider the nature of your thoughts and the parts that loudly whisper, ‘I can’t’. Consider your emotions towards what you’re doing and the information they might hold. Our bodies, our emotions, our thinking patterns and stories hold the intelligence to notice our ‘how’.
Some questions to ponder:
What is the nature of your ‘how’?
What kind of energy are you moving with? Is it frazzled and racing, or stuck and immobilised?
How would it feel to change your approach, even 1%, to being more supportive? What could that look like?
What do you need to move with an energy that would feel more balanced?
What do the parts that move with an unsupportive energy really crave?
May you choose your ‘how’ to be reflective of what you need.
Much love,
Suzi
For me, processing my ‘how’ happens through journaling. It’s one of my most valuable tools of checking in with myself and generally staying sane. Available on my website is my Journaling Guide, which includes over 200+ prompts to help you with topics like fear, perfectionism, emotional release, building self-esteem and chronic illness.
